well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This is my gift to your gina
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
