Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
