I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
