So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
