Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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