Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
