I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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