Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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