You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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