Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
