I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
