I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
