If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
