If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
