Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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