Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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