I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
