the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
