Swine flu. Run for my life!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
