i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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