I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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