brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
