I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
