I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
