ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
