I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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