1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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