You just made me feel so damn special
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
