Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
