Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
