Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
