You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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