my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
