Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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