I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
