Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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