apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
