it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
