I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
