The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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