I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you have feelings for this penis?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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