Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
