i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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