Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
