my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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