mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
