That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
