Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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