Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
