the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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