:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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