i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
