Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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