Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
