i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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