at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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