Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
