i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
