I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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