if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
