Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
